Highlights
Gamers are horny. Millennials and Zoomers are less prudish than the older generation when it comes to openly expressing their sexuality, which means the internet is home to thirst traps, horny posting, and frank conversations about the fictional characters we develop an attraction towards. Inevitably, we also end up touching on their balls, or a notable lack of them in the case of Tears of the Kingdom’s Link. He’s trans in my head so it makes sense.
A recent viral clip, which a few folks have already run the numbers on and determined that Link’s balls are in fact not present (thanks, Kotaku) has the Hero of Time being defeated in combat by a Hinox before he tumbles to the ground in typical ragdoll fashion. However, this defeat is a little different, and a lot spicier. The camera pans between Link’s legs and there is an undeniable tumbling of the cherries taking place within his drawers. Officer, those are some balls if I ever saw them. Trust me, I’ve seen enough in my time to know. But no, game developers have to waltz in and ruin the fun for all of us.
Instead of an explicit glimpse at Link’s package, the suspiciously lewd clip is actually the result of a graphical glitch which has Link’s deceased body clipping with the armour he’s wearing. There is nothing untoward going on here, and Eiji Aonuma didn’t force an artist to intimately render Link’s undercarriage so someone on the internet could come across it months after release. I mean, if Red Dead Redemption 2 can animate realistic horse testicles surely Tears of the Kingdom is allowed to do the same with a twink? God, why does TheGamer pay me to write up things like this?
Even if it is a graphical glitch and not a stylish display of testicular prowess, I still adore how fans immediately interpreted it as Link’s balls and turned such an insignificant gameplay clip into a viral sensation. We caught an innocent little booty jiggle and our imaginations did the rest of the work, which wouldn’t have been possible if the fandom hadn’t cultivated this wholesome and horny reputation in the first place.
Since the release of Breath of the Wild, it feels like this interpretation of the Zelda universe has captured the imagination of fans more than any other. Its versions of Link and Zelda are naturally more fleshed out thanks to the addition of voiced cutscenes and the game’s open nature, allowing us to effectively piece together what their lives were like before and after the Great Calamity. Take Zelda’s house in Hateno Village for example. While you could stumble upon the dwelling and come to the conclusion that she commandeered the house and Link didn’t put up nary a complaint, it was more compelling to read into how her moving into a house which once belonged to her loyal knight positioned their romantic relationship.
Touching short stories and art depicting them sleeping in one another’s arms are all over the internet. Zelda voice actor Patricia Summersett touched on the beauty of their ambiguous relationship and how its beauty is defined by how players are free to define it in any way they see fit. We have that freedom, and that brings us back to the equally touching subject of Link’s balls. Fandoms don’t always resort to sexualisation when it comes to characters they love, but when that concerns characters like Link and Zelda I try to read it as a complement more than something perverted.
Sex can be a beautiful and intimate thing that brings people who love one another closer together, so of course we’d view headcanons with feelings of admiration. We’re not labelling Nintendo as cowards for refusing to show us something more definitive or sexual, nor are we kicking up a fuss about graphical glitches busting the myth of Link’s package, but the fact we’ve gotten so excited about it is testament to how much these characters’ physical and emotional appearances mean to us.
Link’s balls, we salute you. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the game or not, because you’ll forever be in my heart.